How do I prepare my child for surgery?

The thought of your little one having an operation can be very stressful, and we understand that. As a parent, you probably have a thousand thoughts racing through your mind, the underlying one being “ will my baby be okay?” This article presents a few tips and pointers to help make the experience as comfortable as possible for the child and the family.

As a Mum or a Dad, the thought of surgery might be more frightening to you than to your toddler. Remember, that’s perfectly normal. Take time to understand why surgery is the best option for your child. Have a conversation with your child’s surgeon, and ask them all the questions you have. Address your fears and try to get a realistic picture of your child’s clinical condition from your doctors. Try to understand what the surgery can achieve and what it cannot. While it may seem scary at first to talk about the risks involved, having a clear picture of what the procedure entails will help you deal with your anxiety and care for your child better. Once the decision to operate has been made, keep a positive attitude towards surgery. Children can tell when their parents are worried, and they tend to reflect their parents’ fears.

Once you have understood the clinical scenario, have a plan in place. Make sure that you and your spouse/partner are on the same page about the surgery. Establish a support system to help you while your child is in the hospital or confined to home. If you have other children as well, figure out before hand how you will care for them during this period. Remember to explain to them that their brother or sister is going to have an operation. Being honest with them will help prevent their being fearful of their own health and safety.

Most procedures require your child to be fasted for 4 to 6 hours. This means that your child may be hungry and consequently irritable just before the procedure. Try to stay as calm and patient as you can. Use an age appropriate method to distract your child. Remember not to feed your child unless your surgeon explicitly tells you to do so. Even a little bit of milk or food in your child’s stomach can make it too risky to carry out the procedure.

A. Preparing your toddler: your toddler is anxious about being away from you, even for a short time. S/he probably thinks that the operation and the injections are punishments for something s/he did. (The favourite threat of Indian parents to get their kids to behave- “I’ll tell the doctor to give you an injection”- only makes things worse). You need to reassure your toddler that everything is going to be okay. Familiarise him/her with the medical team and talk about them in positive terms. Be honest about what the little one should expect- saying things such as” they’re not going to give you an injection” when they are can have a negative psychological impact on your child. Try telling them, “the injection hurts like an ant bite, but not much more than that. You’re strong enough to take it.” Stay calm and composed because your toddler draws strength from you. Allow him/her to choose a toy or a book to bring to the hospital . Stay positive, and your child will too.

B. Preparing your pre schooler: your pre schooler is probably afraid that the surgery will hurt or that it will cause injury. At that age, children worry about their own safety. They may also think the surgery is a punishment, especially if they have been threatened with doctor visits or injections for bad behaviour in the past. Explain the process to him/her a few days in advance. Choose your words carefully because children can misunderstand easily. For example, telling them that the doctor is going to cut something may make them fear violence. Instead try telling them that the doctor is going to repair something for them. Let them know that they will not feel any pain because they will be sleeping while the doctor works and the procedure will be over before they wake up. Reassure your child that surgery could happen to anybody and there’s nothing he or she did to cause it. Try role playing with your child. It will help you identify any misconceptions or fears your child has.

C. Preparing your school going child: a school age child may feel confused about undergoing surgery. They may hear your conversations about the surgery but have their own understanding of what is being said. They may feel they have no control over the situation, which may make them angry or quiet. Try to be as supportive as you can during this period. Talk to your child and encourage him/her to ask questions. Explain the process honestly and hide nothing. Encourage your child to ask the medical team the questions you cannot answer yourself. You may want to involve his/her best friend in keeping your child’s spirits up.

D. Preparing your adolescent: your teenager will be worried about surgical scarring and his/her appearance after surgery. He/she may also be concerned about independence and control. Involve your teenager in decision making about the surgery and ensure that all his/her questions are answered. Have him/her speak to the doctor in your absence if necessary. Be honest about the procedure and encourage him/her to learn about the medical condition if he/she wants to. Allow your teen to express his/her feelings about the procedure through a private journal or in anyway they may feel comfortable. Try to assess what understanding they have about the surgery and identify any points of confusion or concern.

Your child’s surgery can be a stressful time for his/her siblings. A sibling may feel left out or neglected while your child is in hospital. He/she may be afraid that he/she will have to go through the same thing next. There may be feelings of jealousy because of the attention being given to the patient. This may manifest in the sibling “acting up” or being unusually quiet or cranky. Remember to reassure the sibling that they’re going to be safe. Involve them in the preparation and the process of the surgery. Encourage the sibling to support his/her brother or sister through the surgery. Involve the sibling in role play so that you can understand their thinking about the situation. If the sibling is being sent away to a relative or is going to be cared for by somebody else for the time, reassure him/her that it is not a punishment for something he/she did. Try to make the sibling feel equally loved and involved.

As I said before, your child’s surgery is probably stressing you out. Remember to take care of yourself through the process, because your children depend on you. It is natural to have feelings of fear or anxiety. Some parents have even expressed feelings of guilt. Talk to your loved ones about how you feel. Try to clear any misconceptions about the surgery by speaking to your doctor. Stay away from superstition and pseudoscience. Remember that your child’s condition is in no way your fault, and by seeking treatment for him/her, you’re doing your best.

You’re an amazing parent, and you’re already doing a fantastic job to get your family through this. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!